Where are You Now?
by knivespast
Summary: Post Star by Star, Tahiri misses Anakin.  Warning:  suicide.


I do not own _Star Wars_; I am merely playing in the universe. This fic was influenced by the song _Without You _by the Dixie Chicks, and some of the lyrics appear at the beginning.

**WHERE ARE YOU NOW?**

_'Cause without you, I'm not okay.  
>And without you, I've lost my way.<br>My heart's stuck in second place, ooohh, without you._

It's been about three years, Anakin, three long years. I can't bear it much longer, the anguish over losing you, that is. My broken heart still longs for you. The hope that I once held – hope that you would return to me – was like a beacon in the darkness, but even that light grows dimmer every day.

I used to think that you were still with me. It was like I could catch a glimpse of you if I turned my head quickly enough. At night, when I hurt the most, I used to feel your arms around me, your hand caressing my cheek. You used to comfort me while I cried. You no longer come to me in the darkest hours of the night. But I still cry, Anakin. I still cry for you.

I know you promised you'd always be with me. But I can't feel you anymore. Where are you now? For a long time, I waited for you in my room. I thought that if I stayed there, you'd come back for me, you'd know where to find me. I can't tell you exactly how long I stayed there, but the outside world ceased to exist. When I realized you weren't coming back, I decided to look for you. I've wandered these halls for quite some time now. Sometimes, I'm not even sure how much time has passed. But you aren't here, Anakin. Where did you go? Why did you leave me? I'm still searching for you, Anakin, but I can't find you.

Sometimes, I think I'm getting closer to finding you. Then I realize that I was so mistaken. The others don't seem to know that you're still out there, somewhere. I don't know where, but I know you're there. You have to be; you can't be anywhere else. Anakin, I'm desperate to find you. I'll do anything. That's why I've decided to join you in death. If we can't be together here, then I will come to you. We cannot be apart.

We're supposed to be stronger together. How can that be true if you're dead? If Master Ikrit's prophecy is true, then I have only one option. Maybe it's because of the Yuuzhan Vong influence on my brain, but I'm not afraid to die. I will embrace my death gladly because I will then embrace you. We will be together again soon. Before this night is over, I will hold you in my arms. What happens after that, I do not know. We will encounter it together, that much is certain.

Jedi Master Luke Skywalker walked briskly to his office. Deep in thought, he didn't see the petite blonde girl until he'd smacked into her, nearly knocking her to the floor. Tahiri's eyes locked with his briefly, a vacant cloud overshadowing her once-vibrant, green orbs. A look of confused apprehension crossed her face before she shuffled away towards her room. Luke continued on his way as well.

Later, Luke reflected on his encounter with Tahiri. Her actions, though typical after Anakin's unexpected and tragic death, concerned Luke. Following the disaster at Myrkr, Tahiri had withdrawn into herself. For over a year, she had secluded herself in the privacy of her bedroom. When she finally did emerge, she was but a shadow of her former self. Tahiri's unwashed blonde hair had grown very long and stringy. Under her Jedi robes, it was difficult to tell exactly how much weight she had lost. However, if her hollow cheekbones were any indication, Tahiri likely weighed less than forty-five kilograms. Tahiri's green eyes, as Luke noted earlier, were vacant and empty. She no longer acknowledged the others around her.

Tahiri's presence in the Force had also grown gradually dimmer. It was as though Tahiri herself had taken leave of her body. She frequently wandered the halls, calling for Anakin to return to her. It broke Luke's heart to hear her desperate wails, knowing there was nothing that anyone could do to help. Though Luke feared Tahiri might eventually try to join Anakin in death, he never expected her to actually go through with it. He was horrified when news of her suicide reached him. The aging Jedi Master swiftly decided that Tahiri would be remembered for the heroic Jedi she had once been, and not for the hopeless wanderer she had become.

The End


End file.
